A New (Gradual) Beginning

Hot Cocoa and Laptop

It has been a year. Not writing, not blogging, not being able to express myself has made me question who I am. I’ve been feeling that a part of me is being hidden away, pretending it doesn’t exist or it isn’t important. But during a recent conversation with my aunt, she mentioned that when we get really angry about something, it’s an indicator that that something is important to us. And I realized that writing, putting my thoughts and words out to the world, is important to me. And instead of being angry that I haven’t had time (made time) during the last year, instead of being sad that so many things have happened that haven’t been recorded (which means I’ll be much more likely to forget them), I’m just going to start again, fresh, today, now.

Last Thursday, I went to free presentation at the Northfield Public Library by a woman named Mary Upham. It was about the importance of self-care for moms, a topic I have long known is critical but had yet to implement. After the meeting, I walked back to my aunt’s house, where she had generously put my girls to bed and poured me a glass of wine. For the next two and a half hours, well past our own bedtimes, we chatted about being married, having children, writing, and growing old. It was the kind of conversation that I’ve often wished I could have with an older, wiser woman. It gave me a chance to be honest about the struggles of parenting and the still-turbulent transition from my last life into this one. I told her that I’ve been missing myself recently, the old me, the confident, competent, corporate me, the one in control of her life, the one who answered to a name instead of the job title “Mama”. That night, I also took a very strong dose of my favorite homeopathic remedy. The combination of those three influences led to a revelation: I will start writing again.

As you’ve undoubtedly heard, football season has started, which means my family’s Sunday routine for the next few months has been established. We wake up just before 8am, watch CBS Sunday Morning until 9:30, and then wait for the Vikings game to start around noon. So this week, I started a new tradition. Between 9:30 and noon, my girls get to have “Papa Fun Day Sunday” and I get to go to a coffee shop to write. For now, it’s only about two hours, but hopefully by year-end, we can start “Papa-Girl Saturday” too. After all, it’s not healthy for anyone to work seven days a week.

My intention is to recharge myself, if only for a few hours, so that I will be a happier, more patient woman, which will most certainly make me a better mom and wife.

So, hello again… and I’ll see you again next week!
~Phoebe

 

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